How to choose a dildo and use it comfortably

To use a dildo well, choose it for the sensation you want, get aroused before anything goes in, use more lube than you expect, ease it in bit by bit, and angle the tip against the walls instead of only thrusting. The toy that feels best is rarely the largest one on the shelf: it is the one you can relax around.

How do you choose a dildo size and shape?

Choose by sensation, not by number. Width creates fullness and stretch, length sets how deep the toy reaches, and a gentle curve aims the tip at the front wall of the vagina, where the tissue people call the G-spot sits. Anatomical work describes that region as part of the internal clitoris and the urethral tissue rather than a separate button, so a curve is worth having if internal pressure is what you like.

If you are between two sizes, take the smaller one. Firmness matters as much as measurements: a soft, flexible shaft follows the body, while a firmer one holds an angle and presses where you aim it.

Which material is safest, and what lube goes with it?

Body-safe silicone is the safest first material: non-porous, easy to wash thoroughly, and soft against skin. Glass and stainless steel are also non-porous and hold temperature well if you like a warmed or cooled toy. Skip the porous, strong-smelling ones, jelly and soft PVC, which trap residue no rinse reaches.

Match the lube to the toy. Water-based lube works with every material and is the safe default, while silicone lube can degrade the surface of a silicone toy. In a daily diary study of 2,453 women, using a water-based or silicone-based lubricant during partnered vaginal or solo sex was associated with higher ratings of sexual pleasure and satisfaction, so reach for it every time rather than only when something already feels dry.

What does a flared base do, and when do you need one?

A flared base is the wide flange at the bottom of a toy that stops it being drawn in further than you can reach. It is optional for vaginal use and non-negotiable for anal use, where there is no closed end and the muscle can pull a smooth object inward. Buy the flared base if the toy might ever be used that way, and never improvise with a household object.

One toy should not travel between the anus and the vulva without a stop in between: wash it with warm water and mild soap, or roll a fresh condom onto it before it moves.

How do you warm up before anything goes in?

Warm up by getting genuinely aroused before the toy appears. Arousal is what lets the tissue relax and lengthen, and a cold start fights that every time. Warm the toy in your hands so it is not a shock, and add more lube than feels necessary.

Then glide it over the outside first and ease it in an inch at a time, pausing at each depth. Let the receiver call for the next inch rather than guessing. There is no prize for speed. If anything pinches or burns, stop and add lube rather than pushing through.

Pain is common and often goes unsaid: in a nationally representative U.S. survey, about 30 percent of women reported pain during vaginal intercourse events, and many people never tell their partner. Say it in the moment, and if it keeps happening, take it to a doctor or a certified sex therapist.

How should you move it once it is in?

Move it by angling more than thrusting. Tilt the toy so the tip presses an inner wall and rock it in slow circles, massaging from the inside rather than sliding in and out. Aimed at the front wall, a firm curve gives a steady, full pressure that plain thrusting cannot.

Then try the opposite: slide it all the way in and hold it completely still, so fullness is the whole sensation. Shallow strokes just inside the entrance are worth as much time as deep ones.

Why pair it with the clitoris?

Pair it with the clitoris because internal fullness is usually a supporting act rather than a soloist. In a U.S. probability survey of 1,055 women, about 37 percent said clitoral stimulation is necessary for them to orgasm during intercourse, and about 18 percent said intercourse alone was enough. A hand or a small vibrator on the clitoris while the toy stays in makes the whole thing feel bigger than either part alone.

What if you would rather let a game deal the next step?

If you would rather not be the one setting the tempo, a game can hold it for you. TicTease is a free-to-start couples game for two adults, played by passing one phone back and forth, and its Toys & Tease and Deeper decks, both part of the one-time unlock, hold these steps as separate cards: warm the toy and add lube, a slow start on the receiver's word, tilt and rock instead of thrust. Gentler cards come first. Cards begin gentle and step up only as the two of you keep going, and either player can skip any card without saying why. You do not need it to use anything in this guide.

How do you clean and store it?

Clean it right after with warm water and a mild unscented soap, dry it, and keep it somewhere closed rather than loose in a drawer. Silicone, glass and steel all wash up properly, which is most of why they are worth the money. There is no required size, depth or finish line here, only the version that feels good to you tonight.