How to do 69 (and make it feel good for both of you)

At its heart, 69 is just two people getting close and going down on each other at the same time — head-to-toe, facing opposite ways. It can feel wonderfully connected, and it works best when you treat it less as a technique to nail and more as a question of what feels good for the two of you. Get comfortable, stay close, keep talking, and let the rest follow.

Find a position that lets you both relax

Comfort is the whole game here, and the easiest, closest way in is side-by-side: both of you on your sides, facing opposite directions, each resting your head on the other's thigh. Nobody is holding any weight, breathing stays easy, and you can stay there as long as you like. If you'd rather have one of you above the other, let whoever wants to relax most settle underneath, and keep the top partner's weight on their own knees and elbows so it stays gentle.

Taking turns is just as lovely

Plenty of couples find that trading — one of you goes down fully, then the other — feels even better than doing both at once. You each get to give your whole attention, and you each get to simply receive without thinking about anything else. There's nothing second-best about it; for a lot of people it's the version they reach for. Decide together which you're in the mood for tonight, and feel free to switch from one to the other mid-flow.

Let your own pleasure take over

When you're both giving and receiving at once, your own sensation will pull your focus — and that's part of the fun, not something to fight. As a wave hits you, your rhythm might drift, and that's completely fine. If you'd like to keep things smooth, take turns leading: one of you concentrates on giving while the other just enjoys, then you swap. You stay close and tangled together the whole time, with no need to do everything at once.

Bring your hands into it

Your hands can quietly carry some of the moment. A hand moving in time with your mouth keeps the feeling going whenever your focus drifts, so a soft pause never means a pause for your partner. Resting a hand on a thigh or hip also gives you something to hold and keeps you nicely aligned. Think of mouth and hands as a team, the same way you would on their own.

Fit your bodies together

This feels best when you can both reach without stretching. If there's a height difference, just adjust — shift up or down the bed, tuck a pillow under a hip, or curl slightly so you both land where you want to be. A minute spent settling into a comfortable fit pays off for the whole time you're there, and it's worth saying out loud. "Scoot down a little" isn't a mood-killer; it's the difference between a cramp and a really good time.

Stay easy on each other

A couple of gentle things keep it good. Stay light with your weight so neither of you ever feels pinned, and keep it easy for either person to move and breathe freely. Mind the angles so nobody's neck strains. And keep talking — a quick word about pace or position is easy when you're already this close, and it keeps you both comfortable and happy.

Putting it together

Lead with comfort: try side-by-side, stay close, and let your own pleasure come and go. Take turns whenever you'd rather give one person your full attention — it's every bit as good. Stay gentle with each other, keep talking, and follow what feels best for both of your bodies.